Why...

As Life continues keep us on our toes, I can't help but think about how far I've come over the last ten years.  I think about who I was and who I am now.  I think about who I want to be and how I want this adventure to impact me.  I think about the "shy girl" who never really had intentions of branching out...how that girl was encouraged to step outside her comfort zone by someone she fell in love with...how that girl became a wife...then a mom...and how she will now pack up her family and embark on a journey that feels very unknown.  I think about the words that might define me...never imagining that "adventurous" and "brave" would be among that list.  

When I think about who I want to be, words like "humble", "compassionate", "inspiring", "loving", and "strong" top the list.  I try to remind myself that this journey will help these words become more a part of me.  That they might already be there, but they will grow and bloom and strengthen over the next two years.  And I can't help but think that this will be good for me.  Yes, I could become those things without moving across the ocean, but this takes it to a whole other level.  And then I think "why am I doing this?"

I'll tell you why...

1) I want my husband to have "dreams come true".  I want him to write the exciting chapters of his life that he's always wanted and I want to be there with him while he does it.  It may not have been MY dream, but helping someone you love's dream come true feels pretty good.

2) My kids.  If I can pass on anything to my kids it's the understanding that they are strong, resilient, and "they can".  During the tough moments when they think they can't, they can.  Ok, maybe that's for me, too.  I know there's a good chance that they will have very vague, if any, memories of this experience...but I will show them pictures, write them letters, and explain how strong they were and how they already "lived bigger" before they even entered kindergarten!

3) And a little piece is for me.  Amidst the heartache I already feel about leaving is a little voice that says, "you will change for the good".  You will become more aware.  You will become more appreciative.  You will get to be with your kids for years you  might not have otherwise had at home with them.  I try to remember that when the heartache tries to take over.

I will never pretend that this move is easy or that I am completely comfortable with the idea.  I'm scared.  I'm sad.  And I'm worried.  But, I just keep reminding myself of reasons 1-3 above...I can't dwell on being scared or sad or worried.  It does me no good.  It creeps in, I let it stay for awhile, but then I do my best to force it out because I can't let those words become what defines me.  "Strong" needs to kick "Scared's" butt!

As six weeks starts to dwindle, I am trying to tattoo memories onto my heart because I want them to be there when I'm sitting in Italy thinking about home.  The everyday moments of the life I've built here and the life I will come back to - the things I cherish that I know I will miss.  And it always comes down to you who are reading this.  It comes down to the people I love.  Plain and simple, I will miss them.  Zoey will miss them.  Kaia will miss them.  Kevin will miss them.  We will miss you terribly.  But, you are our home and our village and that just doesn't go away.  And so, you will be here - hopefully with arms open wide - when we come home.

Ok...so I'm really looking forward to writing posts without tears in my eyes.  I am excited to post about all of the wonderful things that our adventure offers us once we are settled into our Italian life!  That day will come!  I know I'm sappy...I just type what's on my mind.  And soon, it will be posts filled with once-in-a-lifetime photos and stories of how we "made it"!  More to come...