What is Family?

What is Family?

Here's what I've learned...and what becomes more and more apparent as weeks go by.

Family is people who tug at your heart and touch your soul.  Family is knowing you have people to count on - anytime of day.  Family is smiles, laughter, and occasionally tears.  Family is overhearing children's laughter and knowing their hearts are full.  Family is watching others (dads especially) pick up your babies when they are crying.  Family is pouring glasses of prosecco, mugs of coffee, cups of tea.  Family is having each other's backs.  Family is after school play time at the playground, carting your own kids and their friends to your house, feeding an overflowing table of people a simple dinner.  Family is looking out for each other and spending entire weekends together.  Family is "just dropping by" or a phone call to say "Are you home?  Can I come over?  I've got to get out of my house!"  Family is cuddled up on the couch, holding hands, everyone grabbing a kid because the parents are outnumbered.  Family is the excitement that seeing faces on an iPad musters up and watching it spill over as kids smile and peer into the screen with eyes lit up.  Family is kisses and hugs and high fives.  Family is sharing parts of your life and experiences that range from spectacular to mundane.  Family is the ache in your heart when you long to be near and the gratitude that fills you when you stop and realize what you have.  Again, family is people who tug at your heart and touch your soul.

Family.  I have two...they are just separated by an ocean.

I have my Michigan family - who I treasure more now than ever before.  The old saying is true - you don't know what you have until it's gone.  They aren't gone, but they aren't near.  This family has and always will be "my people".  They know me and my kids sometimes better than I do.  They are blood and non-blood alike.  They are missed and loved more than words could ever describe.

But I also have my Italy family - a family I never in a million years dreamed I'd be a part of.  This small group has carved a place for themselves in our hearts and has grown roots there.  They aren't blood related, but feel like they could be.  And they make thinking about saying goodbye incredibly hard.

You see, my Michigan family will always be there.  When we said goodbye over a year ago, a piece of me reassured the rest of me that they weren't going anywhere.  That they'd be there when we returned.  This family - both blood and non-blood - is permanent.  We've shaped this family into the family we want to have and it feels right.

But, my Italy family will one day be scattered all over the world.  We will all physically leave each other - with only the memories of this family left in our hearts.  The weekends together won't happen anymore.  Picking up each other's babies will be a thing of the past.  The glasses of prosecco, mugs of coffee, and cups of tea will be washed and put away.  They won't sit around our dinner table in the middle of the week or meet at the cafe on the weekend.  We won't cart their kids around with ours and we won't hear their laughter fill up the room.  We will have to say goodbye - with the uncertainty of when our paths will cross again reducing us to tears.  But, this family will still be family.  My Italy family is filled with good people who have tugged at my heart and touched my soul.  I am so lucky.

What's New and How Are We Doing?

I don't sit and write near as much as I'd like to.  There are probably a million reasons why, but aren't there always?  Life is busy and hard and messy and filled with ups and downs...and all the while the thought "I want to write about that..." is running through my head.  Yet, days pass with nothing written.  You see, writing is a passion of mine.  I love it.  Every ounce of me craves the writing process and the fulfillment I get from it...its part of who I am.  So, I need to commit.  I need to dedicate more time to this simple pleasure that feeds my soul.

So here I am.

I have many blog post ideas...from my kids, our activities, the travel we've done lately, and all the emotions that sweep through me everyday living in Italy.  There is so much I want to record.  And today, I got to thinking about why I want to record it.  Why is this documentation so important to me?  Yes, for my kids to look back on.  Yes, for those at home to stay connected a bit.  Yes, because its a place to put words and pictures together to make this "fake life" seem a bit more real.

But there is one big reason and it boils down to me.  Not you, Kevin, my kids, the world.  Its for me.  Its because I don't want to forget.  Its because this experience has been such a learning experience for me that I want to make sure it isn't left behind.  I'm afraid of falling into "normal routines" when we get back home and losing sight of how I've grown.  I see it already when I'm back in Michigan for the holidays or summer...how easy it is to go back to my old life - a life I love.  After awhile back home, my life in Italy starts to fade...truly as if it were never real.  I joke that this is a "fake life", but honestly its a time that has pushed me, challenged me, and made me more vulnerable.  And stronger.  It has taught me lessons about myself, my marriage, myself as a mom, and my kids that I'm not sure I would have learned if we hadn't moved here.  And I just don't want to forget.

As I sit here, I'm looking at a piece of art that my mom bought me to hang in our Italian home.  Sorry mom, it never got hung..but its here.  Its sitting on the toy shelf propped up against the wall - discreetly reminding me everyday to Embrace the Journey.  And, in tiny font over the artfully drawn woman's heart, it reads "everything shapes us".  Yes, artfully drawn woman, it does.  Everything does shape us.

So....I titled the post" What's New and How Are We Doing?" with the intent of just giving some brief updates on all of us.  I think I opened a can of worms instead.  I've unlocked the gates and starting recording just a small fragment of that which has been bottled up for too long.  Me.

So let's get on with the updates, shall we?!?  Since I've started with me already, I'll continue - albeit a tad more lighthearted!

ME:  Year Two is a whole different ball game for me.  I'm much more relaxed.  I'm more at peace with life here.  I can now laugh at the uncountable number of examples of daily living that we just chalk up to #theitalianway.  Because I'll never understand them!!  So I don't try anymore.  Life isn't necessarily a ton easier in Year Two, but I've adapted more to it.  And that makes it easier.  I still do what feels right for me - and I'm ok that what's right for me might be different from what's right for someone else.  I've learned to love cappuccinos and latte machiatos - never a coffee drinker before Italy!  I'm loving the sight of the Alps on clear, crisp days when I drive Zoey to school.  I cherish the fact that I'm home with my kids and dread the thought of being a "career mom" again.  Taking our kids on a "wine day" (Zoey's words, not mine) is common and is our normal...strange that my 3 kids under 5 years old visit wineries and smell wine corks!!!  I still don't like to drive in Torino (I don't think I'll ever be a city girl) and I still won't taste the raw meat appetizer that is very common in the Piemonte region.  I lug my kids back and forth to school, I drag them through the many grocery stores I have to go to in order to do a "complete" shopping, and we walk for gelato more than we should....and I wouldn't have it any other way.

KEVIN:  He works.  A lot.  And hard.  He was forced to jump into working on a completely different project in a completely different environment and has done it well.  His Italian amazes me...he can listen and converse and respond way better than I ever imagined -- which is why I force him to do most of the talking when our family is out and about.  His brain is just wired to embrace language!  Kevin loves weekend mornings at the cafe just as much as I do and would also spend hours there if our little ones are being compliant!  I think he is just as happy about Year Two as I am and definitely does not need to worry about his wife and kids hating their life here like he used to!  Kevin loves the typical Aperol Spritz apperitivo cocktail and has a "places we need to visit" list that is longer than what we'll ever be able to squeeze in between now and July.

ZOEY:  If Year Two is better for me, then it is equally better for Zoey!  Yes, she adapted brilliantly when we moved here, but this year she is even happier.  The biggest difference for her is school.  We don't have the tears like we used to...I don't hear "I don't want to go to school" like I occasionally did last year.  Her best friend, Kaitlyn, is in her class and that has made a world of difference!  Two peas in a pod those two are!!!  Double trouble.  But, again, I wouldn't have it any other way.  She has a little group of girlfriends who are all in her class with Mr. James and Ms. Betsie and it comforts this Mama's heart to see her happy at school.  She is still exhausted at the end of the day and is drained of every ounce of energy by the time we get home, but she is happy.  (Kudos to Mr. James and Ms. Betsie for being AMAZING!!!!).  Zoey now uses British words and phrases - adopted from Kaitlyn and Mr. James - like "loads", "jumper", "nearly there", and "sensible"...and has a British accent when she says things like "banana".  I think she even called me "cheeky" last week!  Just this morning, as we were getting into the car to drive to school, Zoey said "I don't want to leave Italy."  Man, if that sentence doesn't speak volumes, nothing does.

KAIA:  Our goofball.  Kaia finally started walking at almost 20 months old and was ecstatic with herself!  She went from standing on her own to walking around our entire house within 30 minutes a few days before we flew home to Michigan in June.  Her "Kaia Speak" language of grunts and voice inflections is becoming more of word attempts and mimicking sounds.  She copies EVERYTHING Zoey does (which sometimes delights Zoey to no end, but other times frustrates her beyond belief!) and follows directions amazingly well.  She has finally "noticed" Ella and for the most part, likes her (we had a brief jealousy phase about 4 months after Ella was born).  She will sit with Ella and make her laugh by doing the silliest things.  Kaia is spunky, sweet, and stubborn...making her way as the middle child!

ELLA:  Already 8 months old, I have no idea where this time has gone!!!  I was worried about living 4,000 miles away from home with a newborn and now it seems like that phase was literally just a blink of an eye.  She is easy going and goes with the flow...which probably describes every third child at this age!  She has no other choice!  In the last week, she has become an expert in sitting up on her own and is content for quite a long time just sitting and chewing on toys.  Ella is the least adventurous eater at this age of the three girls -- bananas and carrots are at the top of her list.  Strangely, unlike Zoey and Kaia, she despises avocado!  When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't imagine life with three children.  Now, I can't imagine life WITHOUT three kids.  Ella absolutely completes our family in a way I didn't know I needed...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So there you have it.  A novel blog post.  It feels good to say "We Are Good."

Keeping Kids Busy

Looking back at Year One, I realize how often I was required to dig deep and "keep my kids busy".  Spare time is different here.  There aren't libraries for story times, activities, book check out, and plain 'ole browsing and passing an hour.  You can't find community play groups, seasonal fun, or the dozens of other places/groups/activities that are perfect for kids aged "baby to five".  There is free time, but not a ton of "English friendly" ways to fill it.  So, what does a mom like me do?  Create my own time fillers.  Not always easy to do with a four year old, one year old, and a newborn, but we did our best.  Here are some of the things that made us smile at home during Year One...

Playing with fake snow

Printing Disney images and creating cards

Watercolor painting

Soft and silky "sand"

Playdoh

Observing the fizz of colored vinegar and baking soda

Alphabet practice

Matching upper case and lower case letters

Completed!

Sometimes a break is needed!

Putting odds and ends into and out of a wipes box

Feeling, sorting, and dropping random bits into a box

Scooping and stirring in a dry pasta sensory bin

Creating dry pasta masterpieces

More vinegar fun!

Emptying cartons of art supplies when Mama isn't looking!

Mosaics

Playing with puff balls

And just being silly together!

Here's to Year Two filled with more exploring, more creating, more learning, and more fun at home together!

Places I Love - Part 1

There are three places where I love to spend our free time – each one offers something a little different from the others, but it all boils down to roughly the same things:  family, low key, easy, comfortable, enjoyment for all.

Place #1 is the place I’ve known the longest here…in fact, we first met while house hunting.  Kevin and I strolled upon it by chance and it has since become a standing favorite of “places to kill time”.  Caffe Nazionale.  It’s within walking distance from our house – although, often, we choose to drive.  It’s big enough to accommodate our family…and our double stroller…and almost weekly, the Guscotts too.  It is family-owned and (we think!) the family enjoys seeing us when we enter – although their “hellos” and “good mornings” and “how are you’s” and “beautiful kids” could easily be cover-ups for “Here they are again…those Americans.”  (cue eye rolling)  But, we choose to believe that in some small way, we make them smile.

For me, Caffe Nazionale stands for family time.  Whether is just me and one or all of the girls, our entire family of five, or The Stones and The Guscotts, it represents a place where we sit and connect.  We talk.  We draw.  We sip coffee and juice and nibble on a brioche (or salami sandwich).  We look out the window and watch people passing by.  We make plans and discuss meeting up at the grocery store to shop together.  We corral kids.  We watch as they play imaginatively with one another.  We swap kids, laps, snacks, and “parenting duties”.  We are quiet.  We are loud.  And we are never there for less than an hour. 

In summer, Kevin and I love to get the kids out on a Saturday or Sunday  morning and walk to the café.  Zoey usually rides her bike or her scooter, the babies are pushed in the double stroller.

When the weather is a bit chillier, we either bundle up with blankets and warm coats to walk – or we resort to driving because we know walking will lead to whining and complaining.

On Zoey’s “weekly day off from school”, we frequently end up at Caffe Nazionale just doing what we do best – being together.  Amazingly, everyone is content, and so we linger.  With some paper and markers, we can easily sit for a couple hours…odd, since we can’t seem to do that anywhere else! 

In any case, Caffe Nazionale is one of the places I love here in Italy.  And when we leave, it will be missed.  

Baby Ella

Eight weeks ago, our long awaited Baby Girl arrived...completing our family in a way we never anticipated.  But let's back up for just a second...

As most people know, our third child wasn't quite planned.  Undecided about whether or not we would continue to grow our family, that decision was made for us and, thus, we didn't have to worry about making that choice!  Yes, at first we were nervous.  Not because we would have three children - that fact thrilled us!  It was because our third child would be born 4,000 miles away from everything familiar and comfortable.  Everything that made Michigan our home.  I worried about everything related to this baby...prenatal care, doctor's visits, the Italian hospital, not having our "village" nearby to physically share their love and support, and all the "what ifs" associated with pregnancy and having a baby.  Of course magnified by the fact that this would all be happening in foreign territory.

Fast forward a bit...

I found a doctor -- who spoke enough English for us to get through the standard check ups.  We toured the Chieri hospital -- not nearly as pleasing to the eye as our hospital at home, but not as drastically different as I imagined.  I became a master at going a million different places - most that spoke no English - for the variety of tests a pregnant woman undergoes. My belly grew.  Our excitement grew.  My tension about the actual delivery and this delivery happening in Italy grew.  And the challenges of being very pregnant with two young kids at home with no real family nearby to rely on grew and grew and grew.

And then she decided she was ready to meet the world.

Five days before my due date, I was driving Zoey, her best buddy Kaitlyn, and Kaia from school to a birthday party at a "bounce house" type place.  During the 20 minute dive, I felt something.  Lower abdomen, lower back.  About eight minutes later, I felt it again.  And again and again about every seven or eight minutes.  When we arrived at the party, my two closest friends here, Jessica and Hatti, could tell something was going on.  "I might be having contractions," I said fairly simply.  In my mind, I wasn't sure if it was real.  In my heart, I knew I was in labor.  So, we sat and made phone calls and planned how this was going to go.  I must have subconsciously known that March 12th was going to be the day because I brought packed overnight bags for Zoey and Kaia with me to the birthday party...you know, just in case.  Good thinking, Mama!

Many moms hugged me as I left the birthday party...whispering in my ear all the things a woman going into labor needs to hear.  My eyes welled up as I realized the moment we had been worrying about for so long was right around the corner.  I instantly missed my mom and my sister...the family that would sit at the hospital and just wait...the family and friends that would visit after the birth and ooh and ahh over the little baby that had just been born.  But, I knew I had the support of a group of mom's who let me know "Hey, you can do this" and "We'll be thinking about you" and "Let us know if you need anything".  And those lower abdomen and back pains?  They kept coming...now every five or six minutes.  "You need to go," my friends coaxed.

I drove home -- Kevin just a few minutes behind me coming from work.  I called my mom and Shannon.  I got my bags, I talked to our translator, I changed into my "HOME" t-shirt, I texted friends, and I sat for a few minutes - just letting it all sink in.

Baby Girl, we love you just as much as we love Zoey and Kaia, but you have to know that your name was tricky for us and we really didn't make that final decision until minutes before you were born.  And now it feels perfect.

We got to the hospital, took the elevator while discussing and debating her name, checked in, and started the "Here we go, I'm delivering a baby in Italy" process.  Only dilated one centimeter, but contractions coming regularly every five minutes and fairly quickly getting stronger and stronger.  We were shown to our room and were left to fend for ourselves!  Do I change my clothes?  Do I sit in bed?  Is a nurse coming to check on me?  Kevin and I wondered many questions, but we pushed the anxiety over not having answers to the back burner and just did what we knew to do.  I put on the hospital gown from home.  And we walked the halls...one short loop where I could peek into other rooms and see new moms holding little babies, families gathered, flowers and balloons decorating the very bare-bones rooms.

Only dilated to two centimeters, I decided to go ahead and have an epidural and I remember the doctor on staff saying "This is your third baby.  I think by the time you get to five or six centimeters, you're going to go pretty quickly."  And that I did.

Epidural complete (a process that involved me, a nurse, an anesthethiologist, digging through some supplies to find what was needed, and getting up and down from beds to wheelchairs while being in quite a bit of pain).  Back in our room.  Instructions to "Push this button if you feel like something is happening" given.  Five minutes pass.  "Kevin, I need to be checked.  Something's happening."  Midwife checks.  Five centimeters.  Decision made to move to labor and delivery room.  Seconds later water breaks.  "I need to push!  She's coming!"  Midwife checks again.  "Ten centimeters!  She IS coming!  Go ahead and push!"

And then, controlled chaos.  Midwives and nurses racing around.  Me pushing and feeling every ounce of pain.  Kevin trying to stay near me to hold my hand while nurses work around him to move me to the delivery room.  Baby Girl, it hurt.  And you were coming fast.

So, here's my "how my baby entered the world scene":

Hospital bed being quickly rolled down the hall while I'm pushing.
Kevin being squeezed and rammed through doorways because I'm determined not to let go of his hand even though he and the bed can not fit through the door at the same time.
Pausing in front of the elevators while the nurses fumble to get the labor room door open.
Hospital visitors gathered in the common area of the elevators witnessing a Mama very close to having a baby and in immense pain.
Me honestly thinking "I'm going to have my baby in the hallway with these people watching!"
Door opens.  Bed is pushed through.  Sheet is whipped off.  My mind and body panic.  Midwife says, "Look at me. In two pushes, you are having this baby".  One contraction later, our sweet girl enters the world and she is immediately placed on my chest.  Done.  At home, the nurses during Zoey and Kaia's delivery asked right away what the baby's name was and said "Happy Birthday ___".  I looked at Kevin..."Ella Renee?"..."Yes"..."Happy Birthday, Ella Renee" I whispered.

I remember Kevin saying, "She's perfect".  I remember feeling like I was watching a National Geographic birthing special because I saw much more of the delivery than I think I ever wanted to.  I remember asking everyone who could hear me "Is she ok?".  I remember an instant love that I had felt so differently the other two times I had given birth.  I remember the love feeling so private, so much "just ours", so big to make up for the lack of love that was waiting in the waiting room.  And I remember this love feeling so right.

Ella Renee, we didn't know if our family would have three children...three daughters...three pieces of my heart out for the world to see.  But, in fact, we needed you.  You fit into our family as perfectly as if we had orchestrated every detail of your being ourselves.  You are meant to be.  And you are loved so big and so deeply that I can't imagine my world without you in it.

Looking Back...Zoey's Birthday Continues in MIchigan!

Zoey's birthday continued with family once we were back in Michigan!  Zoey was SO excited to be home celebrating with the family that she really does miss so much.  Although Kevin wasn't home, yet, to celebrate with us, he Skyped during presents and cake so that he could be a part of the celebrating.

Zoey's "birthday party morning" began with long overdue snuggles with Jules on Mommy and Daddy's bed.  These two were thrilled to be back together again!

And once family arrived in the afternoon, we opened more presents...

And just had to try on the dress-up clothes from Meeka!

We sang Happy Birthday (for the third time since her birthday!) and Zoey decided we needed to use all 20 candles for her Elsa Castle cake (one of G.G.'s famous birthday cake creations - made with so much love).  Four candles just wouldn't do!

Zoey fell on the playground at school a few days before we left for Michigan.  The scrapes on her face make for beautiful pictures, huh?!?  But still all smiles with her Castle cake!

These cakes will always be so special to us!  Eighty-seven years old and G.G. still makes our little ones beautiful and delicious cakes!

 And by the end of the night, Zoey was all dolled up in another birthday gift...looking absolutely adorable!

Looking Back...December 9...Zoey's Birthday Dinner

Zoey's December 9th birthday seemed to last for weeks this year!  When you live in two places, you're bound to celebrate your daughter's birthday several times.  And so we did.

Zoey's birthday always begins with our visit from Elf!  Somehow, he always knows to show up the morning of Zoey's big day and then sticks around until Christmas.  This year, Elf decorated our dining room table light and was perched up on top.  He even spelled out Happy Birthday in one of Zoey's favorite things...M&Ms!  What a fun sight to wake up to on your birthday!

Zoey made goody bags to pass out to her classmates (little notepads of paper, a pencil, stickers, and a small pot of playdoh) and brought in Snickerdoodle cookies for her class.  I heard they were a hit!

And for dinner, we kept with what felt right and just celebrated at home with The Guscott's.  I made dinner and cupcakes and we had a Birthday in Pajamas Evening.

 We opened a few gifts...

And sang Happy Birthday...

And ate delicious, Betty Crocker boxed-mix cupcakes!

Notice how Kaia doesn't take her eyes off of the cupcake!  Yes, she got one...how could I say no?!?



Happy 4th Birthday, Zoey!

And the next morning, Elf had moved...