Thoughts From the Week

We made it home on Sunday after a very long day of travel.  I think the actual travel time was tripled in "how it felt" time knowing we were going to see the girls.  I truly felt like I just couldn't wait (and Kevin felt the same).  I just wanted to be home.  It seemed to take forever.

And, man, the hugs we each got when we walked in the door were everything we could have hoped for!  Zoey didn't want to let go and just snuggled into both of us - arms wrapped tightly, her face nuzzled into the crook of our necks.  She needed to see her Mommy and Daddy...as did Kaia.  A huge smile took over her face when she saw us and she only wanted to cuddle, too.  We were all bursting with happiness to be together again.

So...we're one step closer to calling Italy our home.  I will say, I left feeling good.  I left feeling like it was actually possible and that we'd be ok.  That's not to say it will be easy!  Boy, it will be far from easy.  I think our area is more different than I thought it would be, so the adjustment is huge.

Everything is old - like a scene-from-a-movie old.  Our town, Chieri, is pretty small but has Italian cafes and gelato shops that we'll become regulars at, I'm sure.  Some of the buildings look like a movie set and the churches are impressive.  The streets are truly cobblestone...oh, if only they could talk!

Towns are crowded...either with buildings or people (Torino) or both.  There isn't the space that I am used to nor the type of "green" I am used to.  Mammas bring their kids to the "park" and it is a small space with VERY old play things (maybe a metal slide and a set of swings) - and weeds.  There isn't the grass or the lawns that Americans value...just weeds that grow a foot high until they are mowed (usually only a few times per year, we're told).  It's a change.

The country is poor.  Unemployment is high and it is rising.  The cost of living is expensive.  Those two facts don't mix well.

BUT, the Italians that we met were beyond friendly.  Waiters and waitresses, bar owners, our real estate agent...they all welcomed us and did their best to leave us with a good impression.  They kiss cheeks, they describe with their hands, and they smile -- sometimes that is the only way to communicate.  Learning - and USING - the language are going to be very important!

Living in Italy will not be Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous...no "champagne wishes and cavier dreams".  It will, however, be The Real World.  Real people, real food, real "old world" charm.  I think that is part of what intrigues me.  It is what will change us and humble us and make us better people.  It will make us stronger.

Lastly...SAVORING.  What did I savor this past week???

Red wine.
Homemade pasta.
Sleeping through the night and getting ready without little ones begging for my attention.
Time with Kevin.
Walking through beautiful streets at night.
Meeting new people...and being welcomed into a family of families that made my heart happy each time we were with them.
Gelato.
Good feelings that eased a few anxieties.
The rolling hill views of wine country.
And the VERY, VERY best...the warm-your-soul hugs from my two favorite little girls yesterday.

Aperitivos...and The "Villa"

We were lucky enough to join an "expat community" tonight during an aperitivo goodbye party...just what this soul needed.  It has been easy to get caught up in our busy to-do list while we've been in Italy this week - lots of house hunting, meetings, and attempts at navigating streets and learning where things are.  But tonight, we saw the community that forms during an expat assignment...we witnessed firsthand the strong friendships that are made and the bonds that are created when families are put in situations such as these.  Moms and Dads hugging, cheers-ing, toasting to happy memories...kids running around, laughing, hiding, putting on little shows for anyone who would watch.  It was a testament to resiliency and the strength of the human spirit.

Tonight was amazing because every single person was friendly and willing to give any tips they could think of.  But, the bottom lines - the lines we heard the most - were "the good outweighs the bad", "it goes by in the blink of an eye", "things are difficult, but you can't worry about it - you just have to laugh things off and accept it for what it is", "take advantage of the opportunities"....and "it is amazing".

The food for my soul was the happiness that I saw in this group of families.  The sadness that they felt when saying goodbye to one another was proof of the happiness they felt while they lived here.  The plans that they were making to see one another again and meet up in different parts of the world spoke volumes about how important they had become to one another.  They reassured me that a community does exist and will exist when we arrive.  It will be made up of new faces, but that it will be there - waiting to embrace us and start the "next generation of expats".  It reminded me that I will have a family to rely on, have fun with, and learn from while we are living here...a family of expats who all just want to support one another and make it the best that it can be.  To our community, the community that awaits us, we look forward to meeting you.

In other news...we decided on our Italian home.  It is filled with "Italian charm" and begs for us to fill it with loving touches and happy memories.  Here are the first photos...

A view from the front gate...we're the end unit

The back "garden"...needs a green thumb, but we'll enjoy  having some outdoor space

The dining room and living room...the blue couch as got to go!

Zoey's bed...the girls will probably share this room

Bathroom

The kitchen opens up to the back patio and garden

The 3rd floor "bedroom"...hoping a certain someone stays here!

A small open space in the 3rd floor bedroom - hoping to add a loveseat and tv...call it Holly's Hideaway, perhaps?!?

Master bedroom

Basements are rare...this apartment has one that is referred to as the Taverna

Extra dining space in the Taverna...add a rug (and probably that bright blue couch!) and the girls can play down here.

This little playground is a 3 minute walk from our new place...made my heart smile!

A Few Pictures...

Our First Dinner

Piazza Carlo Alberto...where we ate our first dinner

Torino streets at night

Welcome to the city center of Chieri

Cappucini and cookies in Chieri

Dear Torino...

Dear Torino,

My.  Oh.  My.  You certainly have a lot in store for us!!  This adventure will be just that...definitely an adventure.  You probably won't make it easy...but adventures rarely are easy, I suppose.  You will keep us on our toes.  You will challenge us.  You will stretch us beyond our comfort zone and you will teach us to be flexible and adapt.  You will make us more humble and appreciative of what we have.  You will help us learn new things by opening our eyes to new places, new people, and a new language.

Torino, you are a whole new world for us!

Ciao Ciao,
Me

Its day #4 of our "house hunting experience" and its been somewhat of a whirlwind.  Here is what I've learned so far:

1) Language is a big deal.  And we have a long way to go with our Italian!  We'll need to speak Italian to really "live" here...so we'll keep learning and practicing!

2) Driving is close to insane!!  We also have much to learn in this area, too!  Kevin has improved by leaps and bounds in just a few days - it will be a struggle for me.  Driving "laws" seem to be just suggestions...there aren't really lanes, red lights don't mean much, and parking your car in the middle of the street is no big deal.  Although it is insane, Italians pay attention when they're driving!  Kevin says you have to stay alert because if you don't, you'll be driving the wrong way on a one-way street, or you'll hit a motorcycle who is speeding around you through a red light, or you'll be circling a traffic circle for hours!  Oh, and I'll have to drive a manual transmission...

3) You can eat salad for breakfast.  You can drink wine by 11:00 am.  Gelato breaks are common mid-afternoon for everyone.  And water comes in a bottle.  You pay for it.  Always.

4)  A gut instinct is usually right.  Doesn't matter the circumstance, but go with your gut.

• The first day of house hunting was a disaster...all downhill on a rollercoaster of emotions.  The places were all in the city of Torino and it was apartment after apartment of disappointment.  That's not to say that every apartment was horrible - its just to say they weren't for me.  "Big city living" isn't for me.  My gut told me that very quickly and I panicked that nothing else would come around or ever feel like "home".  I worried I would be forced to settle on something that went against my gut instinct. That changed today.
• My gut was very concerned about Zoey and school.  It also didn't feel quite right...before visiting.  I know my daughter and the program just didn't seem to fit...before visiting.  We visited the International School of Turin and all that changed.  The Dean of Early Childhood is a real life Mary Poppins and is willing to do whatever necessary to make her little darlings comfortable.  She wants the little ones to have fun, enjoy the day, and form a love for school.  So whatever we need to do for Zoey, we can do.  My gut was very happy.

5)  This time will be about give and take...compromise...prioritizing what's important and not worrying about the rest.

• The house we will probably settle on isn't perfect.  But the location is great for us, so we'll take the location over some of the specifics of the house.  We'll fill it with our own charm!  And there is some room for visitors...

6)  The food is fresh.  The pasta is homemade.  And the wine is plentiful!

We have a few more days,so I hope to post a few pictures of "our house" and "our area" as soon as its confirmed that it will be "ours".  Stay tuned!

A Post with Two Parts

Part One:

It is easy to take the wonderful people who surround you for granted.  The people who love you and nurture your soul in a variety of ways...the people you see on a daily basis...the people you see at 8:50 when the bell rings or 4:30 when you pick up your daughter or 6:30 when you sit down to dinner.  It isn't until you have to say goodbye - that moment when you know you won't see them for awhile - that their importance hits you like a ton of bricks.  It is at that moment when the many roles they fulfill in your life become crystal clear.

I had to say some goodbyes today.  Hopefully not "forever goodbyes", more like "see you laters"...but goodbyes nonetheless.  It was hard.  I prepped myself all week.  I thought about it purposefully because I didn't want it to sneak up on me and to feel unprepared for the weight of it all.  I couldn't eat today.  I couldn't stomach it knowing these goodbyes were happening.

My heart raced as I pulled into my school parking lot.  My hands shook as I parked the car.  I had Zoey and Kaia with me, so I was hoping that would help me stay pulled together...I don't think it helped!  I was teary the moment my principal started talking.  I sat in the back - looking around at all of the people that I once saw on a daily basis who I was here to say goodbye to.  Some are merely smiles in the hallway, as our paths didn't cross all that often.  Some know me better than I know myself sometimes.  And many I have laughed with, shared stories with, sat at a lunch table with, celebrated with, griped with, and hugged many many times over the last ten years.  Sadly, I probably took them for granted much too frequently.  They nurtured my soul everyday and became my 8:50-4:00 family.  And I wanted them to know how special they are to me.

So I tried to tell them.  When the floodgates are being pressured to open, its hard to give an eloquent speech.  Its hard to get your point across because, really, the tears say it all.  Tears, laughter, even just a sigh...those often speak louder than words.  I hope my tears were heard loud and clear.

To you, today's goodbyes, I will miss you.  You are important to me.  You have taught me to be better and you have made "my job" enjoyable.  You are wonderful people and you have helped shaped me into the teacher, friend, and mom I am today.  Thank you.

Part Two:

There are moments every day...every week...or every month that I truly savor.  Those "touch you to the core" moments.  The ones you don't want to forget.  I am lucky to have had three such moments in the past 3 days and I want to share...

Moment 1:  Its the middle of the night.  I'm tired.  Kaia still isn't sleeping.  She's yelling - not necessarily to be mad, just to be loud and to be heard.  I decide to "break all the rules" and pick her up - it just feels right.  I pick her up and instantly she stops crying.  Of course!  It reinforces that she's just looking for some cuddle-time...perhaps tough love should have won, but not tonight.  I sit in the rocking chair with her and in minutes, her eyes start those loooong blinks.  She's fighting the sleep that desperately wants to take over.  And it does.  Her eyes close and her body, literally, gets heavier.  That heavy feeling is Moment #1.  Her heaviness against me is like a Mom Dream.  It is peaceful and fulfilling and sweet.  It bears the weight of true love and is absolutely perfect.  I hold her longer than maybe I should - it is 3:00 am after all and I'm tired! - but I savor it.

Moment 2:  Its lunch time.  The girls and I have been out running errands all morning, its approaching nap time, and we're hungry.  Instead of heading home for the usual "snack plate", I decide to make it a Lunch Date Day.  We grab a booth at a local restaurant and I'm acutely aware that this is going to go either really well or...not.  I order quickly.  I prep a bottle and give Zoey the individual jellies to stack.  And despite hunger and tiredness, everyone is calm.  But "The Moment"?  It comes half a grilled cheese and mound of french fries later when Zoey, out of the blue, suddenly takes Big Sisterly notice of her Baby Sister.  She slips out of the booth, walks to our side, picks up a toy and starts making Kaia laugh.  A full on belly laugh.  Zoey doesn't pay Kaia much attention yet, but at this moment, they were in their own world.  Oh, and how it made Zoey happy!  I saw amazing Sisterly futures for them at that very moment...

Moment 3:  Its been a long week and its only Wednesday.  Emotions are already running high as our first trip to Italy is right around the corner and a package shows up on our doorstep.  I know its a 'Savor It" moment when I see its from Danielle.  Leave it to her...always perfect timing.  The tears started before I finished the first line of the card.  Ohhh...this was truly a moment to be savored.  I worked my way slowly through the package - the little boxes, the notes, the phrases that made me laugh - all the while with tears streaming down my face.  I touched each piece as if it my fingers were savoring the moment, too...I read slowly...I unwrapped and always smiled.  Danielle, my heart says thank you.

And so, three moments to savor.  Tomorrow starts another chapter...

Fitting In

I'm sitting here looking at the chipped, pink nail polish on my toes and the black shirt that I wear quite frequently that (very) clearly is marked "maternity" on the tag (no, I'm not pregnant).  I'm wondering about fitting in.  When we are very young, we don't worry about fitting in because we just want to play.  Sometimes we play with our mom's friends' kids, sometimes we play by ourselves, and mostly we play with our parents and siblings - so "fitting in" is never really a concern.  Then we start school and eventually "fitting in" becomes important to us.  We want to be liked.  We want to look and sound and think like our friends.  We want to be accepted.  (Ok, now I'm wondering how I ever accomplished this with those extra large, purple glasses I had during my...ummm.."awkward phase"?!?)  We start to worry about "fitting in".  By high school, we're usually established in our group only to be faced with a fork in the road as we start college...we either start the worrying process all over again as a small fish in a big pond OR say "I got this" and don't blink an eye as we resume Freshman status.  We muddle through, establish ourselves again, and enter adulthood pretty confident in who we are...ok, somewhat confident.  Life goes on.  Changes happen.  We adapt and surround ourselves with people who like us for who we are, the history we have, and the stage we are in.

I say "we".  I mean me.  That is my timeline.

And, at 34, I didn't really ever think I would worry about "fitting in" again.  I assumed those days were behind me.  I am established.  I can think of a slew of words that define me and I have my village locked in place.

But, yet, I'm sitting here worrying.

I've been told that the women in Torino and Chieri are "casual, but classy".  They don't wear yoga pants outside of the gym.  They have a wide array of scarves, jewelry, and shoes and are always "put together".  Put together???  Some days I wear what I slept in...and go to the grocery store!  Some days, my shirt is stained with spit up, dried Elmer's glue, and usually sprinkled with glitter.  My polish is chipped, my hair is in the standard pony tail, Im wearing a maternity skirt while not pregnant, and my face is dusted with blush, that's it.  But wait...I'm wearing a scarf.  That counts for something, right???

I don't know how to move to a foreign country and fit in.  I don't speak the language (although I'm trying).  I don't have the wardrobe (a shopping trip is in order!).  And my mindset has never been to follow trends and always leave the house "casual but classy".  The whole idea of not wearing yoga pants to the grocery store baffles me!

But, I have to remind myself that I already know the key to survival.  I've already written it.  "Life goes on.  Changes happen.  We adapt..."  If I am not confident in the language or the style, I have to be confident that I will adapt.  I have to - if only for my girls.  I can't stay locked inside our new Italian home.  I can't bury myself under the covers.  I have to fake it until I make it.

And so whats the lesson here?  "Self, you will fit in...eventually."  It will take time, a shopping spree, and a tweak in mindset, but its possible...even for this girl who once wore extra large purple glasses and had the most hideous bangs!

"Savor It"

"Savor it", I was told.  "Now is your opportunity to savor all the things you loved about Europe."  

And so it goes.  A new chapter.  The next phase.  A remarkable journey that is about to begin...

But how did it start?  Here is my story...

When I married Kevin, I knew I was marrying an adventurer.  A risk-taker.  Someone who loves to explore, try new things, and push the limits a bit.  I married him anyway.  J

Kevin is the reason I have a passport.  He’s the reason I’ve been to Mexico, camped in the Appalachians for days without showering (gross, I know), and, the biggest, spent an entire summer in Europe with only a backpack on my back.  And I will tell you, those memories will always be some of the very best I could ever have.  Our summer abroad ranks right up there with marriage and the births of my daughters – and I don’t feel bad about that!  I learned so much about different cultures, different places, different people, and myself during that summer that it is almost as huge to me as other rites of passage in my life.  I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone to explore and be an adventurer right alongside this guy I knew I loved.  And, it’s funny, because while in Rome we each threw a coin  into the Trevi Fountain “guaranteeing” a return visit.  And then, in Florence, we (drunkenly) locked a padlock onto the Ponte Vecchio “ensuring our love forever”.  And so here we are.  Returning to Italy…still in love.

I’ve known that a foreign assignment would be a dream come true for Kevin.  He lives for adventure, absorbs culture like a sponge, and wants our family to have a story filled with exciting chapters.  So, it was no surprise to me when he mentioned Italy.  It was almost a year ago when the idea of the opportunity first came up.  We spent hours talking about it, but I told myself I couldn’t worry too much about it because it was just an idea.  Nothing more.  The bottom line at that point was “I’ll take Italy over Asia anyday!”

But then, many months later, it became much more than that.  I was sitting in my hair stylist’s chair (of all places) when Kevin called and told me The News…that he got the assignment in Torino.  I was speechless.  Tears came to my eyes.  I think I mumbled something like “I’m moving to Italy” to my hair stylist that I’ve known all my life.  The rest of the haircut is a blur.  I know I called Danielle, but I just left her a message…probably inaudible between the flow of tears – both happy and sad.

I got home and we sat on the couch while Kevin enthusiastically told me as much about the assignment as he knew.  I didn’t say a word.  Not one single word.  It wasn’t real to me at that moment – it hadn’t sunk in.  And so I sat…silently.  I don’t think I said much to Kevin that night – probably just went to bed with my mind swirling.  I don’t think I cried in front of him, but there were definitely tears.  My first thought was “my kids”.  How could I raise kids in another country – even if only for a couple years?  How will they manage the differences?  Who will they play with?  How can they be away from their family and friends here?  I still don’t know the answer to any of those questions.

Over the next couple of days, I told my mom, my sister, the rest of my family and friends, and Kevin told his.  My heart sank each time.  My stomach churned.  Not because I was 100% dreading The Move, but because I knew I would no longer be just a short drive away from these people that I see on a weekly basis.  My girls would be 4, 284 miles from the people they love.  I didn’t know how to accept this…let alone be excited about it!

But, over time, and after talking to many people about it (with plenty of tears and alcoholic beverages!), I have accepted it.  And I am excited about it.  Of course it will be hard to be far from home.  It will be extremely hard to be far from family and friends.  Thank goodness for technology, right?!?  But, everyone has been so supportive – acknowledging the cons, but building excitement for the pros.  Even my mom.  And if you know my mom, you know that’s a big statement!  She doesn’t miss her grandson’s football games.  She’s at every one of Zoey’s gymnastics classes.  Rarely a week goes by that she doesn’t visit her granddaughters (oh yeah, and me).  We just can’t imagine it any other way.  And I had to tell her that I’m moving to Italy!  But that’s the incredible thing about family…the first thing out of everyone’s mouths was positive (even though they were probably thinking the negative!).  It’s definitely not all positive, in my mind, but it helped that the people who are close to me reacted by first focusing on the bright sides.  Yes, we’ve had plenty of time to talk about the difficult parts – they can’t be ignored – but it’s nice that we try not to dwell on those while we’re together.  I think the quote that will stick with me forever is “You better come back.”  How nice that people aren’t ready to get rid of me!

It’s been about four months since we first decided to take the leap and give Torino a try.  It still isn’t real…and according to my language tutor (she’s more of a friend at this point than just a tutor!), it probably won’t be until Kevin, Zoey, Kaia, and I are standing on our new doorstep and we turn the key.  To cope with the hugeness of it all, I like to think of it as a really long vacation.  People are always excited about vacations, right?  As Emanuela says, this is an opportunity to “savor it” – to savor all the things we loved about our summer in Europe.  I am excited to immerse myself in a different way of life.  Of course I’ll miss the conveniences and familiarity of my way of life, but it’s a challenge I can tackle.  I look forward to the food, the wine, the cafes, the fountains, the gelato.  Strolling through Italian streets, visiting new places, experiencing new things.  I can’t wait to take pictures – to carry my camera everywhere and capture the once-in-a-lifetime moments that we’ll encounter...to be able to show my girls a piece of their childhood that is so out-of-the-box pictures can’t do it justice.  I am thrilled to be given the opportunity to “live bigger” – something I vowed to do a few years back when I walked the 3-Day for a Cure.  I have worries, but I can’t focus on those.  I will do my best to make the most out of this opportunity we’ve been given!  We threw those coins back in 2004…and ten years later, we’re going back.

But wait, there’s more!  Shortly after telling friends, Jessica called me and said that her husband was going to interview for an overseas assignment…IN TORINO ITALY!!!  Are you kidding me?!?  I couldn’t believe it because it seemed too good to be true.  Jessica and I tried not to get our hopes up, but of course we read into all “the signs” that seemed to say it was meant to be.  And then we waited.  And waited.  And waited for Their News.  And at 10:16 am on St. Patrick’s Day, Jessica called me….

To read Jessica's story AND to follow our adventures, visit Sisters by Choice...Italy by Chance .