Balance

It's an interesting thing...these things called "life experiences".  It's interesting how they shape you, transform you, cause you to re-evaluate, and just make you think.  A bit contemplative this morning...maybe a funk...maybe just "re-evaluating".

In a short time, this life experience has stretched me and has definitely made me think.  Coming into it, I wasn't sure what to expect - in all areas, including how I  would be.  Casual, but classy.  Remember those words from the summer?  It was how my new life was described to me by someone who was finishing up their "life experience" here.  Some "rules" were set about what to wear (and what not to wear!) and general lifestyle changes.  Well, ya know what, I threw those rules out the window.  Good or bad, I couldn't adhere to them.

So what does that mean?  It means I don't "get ready" before I take Zoey to school in the morning.  It means I wear yoga pants and no makeup to the grocery store.  I say "no" with a little more ease than I did at home when I'm just not up for something.  I don't feel obligated to meet a ton of new people and make a ton of new friends and visit a ton of new places.  I spend time with my kids when I need to spend time with them - even if it means missing days of preschool and going against the school norms.  It means I'm trying to be me in a world that is incredibly far from the world I knew that felt like me.

Again, for good or for bad.  I am definitely aware that this whole notion of "being me" could easily slip and slide into missing out and looking back saying "I wish I would have..."  It's a balancing act I have not yet mastered and there are days when the scale is definitely tipped farther in one direction than the other.  Sometimes it's very easy to hide under the hypothetical covers and say something to the effect of "screw you, life experience".  It's easier not to push myself.

The balance between just living in Italy and truly living in Italy isn't easy.  I feel content not to be out and about soaking up this life experience every moment.  But then I worry about regrets.  I feel good about making a few closer friends rather than always trying to connect with new people.  But then I dwell on what I might be missing out on.  It feels right to create a "normal" life for my girls, but maybe this new "normal" should include branching out more at times.  Like I said, a balance I have not mastered.

This life experience is intriguing because everybody does it so differently.  I can be sitting around a table with 5 other women and they have each tackled a similar situation in a variety of ways.  You meet the ones who have traveled almost every weekend.  You meet the ones who prefer to stay at home.  You meet the ones who know every market, every local shop, every "hidden gem".  You meet the ones who are involved in everything.  You meet the ones who have bowed out of the few things they thought they wanted to be involved in.  You meet the ones who say "this is the life for me".  You meet the ones who say "Two years...and I'll be ready to go home".  And what it tells me is that there is no right way to do this.  All of the rules I thought were written about this adventure?  Really, there are none.  You write your own rules.  I write my own life experience.

And so...it continues.  Every day presents obstacles, decisions, challenges, opportunities.  It's up to me to figure out the path I'm on and change course when necessary.  Sometimes that is easier said than done.  In the end, when this chapter is over and a new one begins back in Michigan, this life experience will have been a learning experience.  No matter the choices I make, it will have stretched me and helped me grow.  It will be my story - and life stories don't need to follow certain guidelines.  I must remind myself of that.  I will try to balance the "Go Out and LIVE This Life Lindsay" with the "Do What Feels Comfortable Lindsay".  I will try to make "Push Yourself Lindsay" best friends with "Hang Back Lindsay".  But when I start to worry about "am I doing this right???", I will try to remind myself that there is no right.  I am doing this.  That should be enough.